Thursday, January 31, 2013

Don't Want An Ending

"...I don't wanna fall out
 But we're all out of time (Is this over?)
 (Don't want an ending)..."

Talking about last year, in 2012 it was like opening an old photo albums that have been put in boxes in a warehouse. And all that albums were selected which should be removed and saved.

The beginning of 2012  was a nice day because it is still the same as ever. In 2012 I learned so much about life. Especially before stepping on the end of the year. I feel so me at the beginning of 2012. I feel that it should have a pleasant feeling.

January. I could say it was fun with knick knacks of new year eve and resolutions. Actually I'm not the type of person who likes to make resolutions but when someone asks about it, I started it up. And the most typical of this month is the sound of trumpets, fireworks and being around the family. That's sweet!.

February. I was tired of drama and i was tired with february. Why?  I had too much bullied, cheated or whatever what it is called. Which obviously it causes resentment but that's also fun, The february of 2012 was my 5th real birthday. It isn't sucks to be me but i just proud of who am i and how i was born and as who. How I was bullied? First, a dozen of my friends in the class caught me at gym class and tied me in a palm tree and threw me with flour mixture, something like a mush. And i can't imagine the texture. Second, My housemates were pranking me by taking my laptop and hid in one of the suitcases in the room and well at the time I really need my lovely laptop for blog competition. But technically I like the way they celebrate a special and rare-day of my life. And honestly it made ​​me cry a bit much. Don't laugh at me for a second after you read this. 

March. There was nothing special going on in March, but there were exams that kept me busy. Especially midterm. I was able to control my days for exam preparation at that time. And finally I get a pretty similar marks with marks that I expected.

April. April mop didn't apply in my life. Why? there was no reason for me to do so. So, there was still nothing special happened, exception for examinations and minor issues which are reasonable.

May. Is my life flat? true! but not quite. So there was nothing major happens in may. Maybe it was just playing with a friend, housemates and still struggling with assignments, exams and projects, and that's all. Oops i missed something. There was something big happened in may, IGCSE Exams, i got business studies and english as second language. And in may i had paper 1 of business studies.

June.  "..... ,"  (speechless) in July i had paper 2 of business studies. That was weird feeling when i had to make sure and deal with myself that i can do the exam very-well. And i wished the strength and help from Allah S.W.T

July. IGCSE was over for me, i did all the exams as best as i can. And i was just waiting for the good result and of course i always wish for the best one. you know. A*

August. i have been waiting for the IGCSE result. It was fasting month and at that time of course i wished Allah blessed me and won't let me down. And one day in August the result came out from my personal email. At that time i hanged out, walked around and had a coffee break with my friends. And you know what when i checked and read the email. I was extremely-shocking to the climax by the result. It was so pretty far from the result that i wanted to get. And you know what i'm talking and thingking about at that time. So just shut the brain up.

Nothing was going right after the IGCSE result. that's all.

I got so many funny things in October. I had somekind of camp with my friends in my school's generation which called Solo Camp. Me and my friends guided by the armies or troops and it was amazing. New-best-experience. And i got PTL (Pathway To Leadership) also from PSF. Too much fun in October.

November. :') May i call November 2012 as Top #1 Holy Month? If i may, i would like to tell you the reason now. No no u allow me or not, thats your business ! i just want to tell you lol :p. November 2012 was the lowest point of my life's wheel. So many drama. And several things that usually i just watch it on TV/movie or read it on novel, suddenly happened in my life. My mom passed away. ( No need to be melow or something) Cause that is not the point. Of course i sad and absolutely down. But who the hell really cares about my sadness? just me, i do care. That;s why. And the other things are my bad-daily-issues after the incident. Someone said that i will be move to another city and maybe someday i will have stepmother, stepbrothers/stepsisters. That things made me down, really really down. And i'm actually not as tough as i thought.

December. December was hard for me, after all the incidents that i've been through. Especially because of my mom. I do really miss her :'). And i, my little-sister and my father have to face new year eve without my mom, and now she have turned as my heavenly mom. I hust can't barely imagine everyone will laugh, smile, cheer up or yell, "Hey you, Hey world, This is 2013 or something. We should celebrate it!," while me and my family at home without trumpet blown by my mom or dishes cooked by my mom, or all the things we used to do together. Be sure for that. It hurts me. Until this second it hurts me. Sorry :') 

So why i don't want an ending for 2012. Because 2012 is the last year i can see my happy-complete family, especially my mom. Thanks god for the distiny you made for me. I keep believe on it. That's all.


Saveera Vivid said...

if there were no end, it wouldn't be the NEW YEAR's fireworks. and i love fireworks :(

Febriyan Arif said...

Thats ur problem girl :|